The birth of a mom

“You put me out and wake me up when it’s all over” I confidently told anyone who would listen.

Growing up, my mom had shared with me how happy she was to have had two C-sections. The first one released big bro and big sis into the world.  The second one? Oh, but if it wasn’t delightful me. These stories rang through my heart as I pictured myself becoming a mom. So I knew that the right decision was to do what my mom had done.

And then I ran into my personal birth lobbyist, education fanatic and encourager extraordinaire: Cousin T. At the time, she had a tiny little precious bundle, and I was planning one but wasn’t pregnant yet. She handed me a bunch of books including names like Dr. Sears and Ina May Gaskin (I do feel like I need to curtsey when I say her name).

I read…

and read…

and read.

I found myself amazed in the awareness of my ignorance. So much I had no idea about. So much I had assumed and believed without challenging it. But, do you know what was the most absolute best thing about it? The exchanging of fear for empowerment. Knowing that my body was intended and created to give birth changed my mindset. I came from fear, lack of knowledge and distrust of my own ability to do this. I ended up in a place of awe, peace and confidence in my body and him who created it.

Once again, I had found myself learning something that would change me forever. In fact, this time it was the unlearning that was utterly powerful. I had to throw away the idea that medical interventionism was the best option for this. I had to reject the idea that birth was something bad that was going to happen to me and learn to see it as the miracle I was about to take part in.

Having my babies changed me forever. Everything I had been afraid of came and went. And I was still there, only braver, wiser, and stronger. I was able to experience every bit of it without drugs, fully aware and remembering vividly all details of that amazing ride. Eyes wide open, I learned from every contraction, every drop of blood, every decision. AND I LOVED IT.

I think my birthing days are more than likely over now, however my husband still calls me a birth junky when he sees my face as we drive by a maternity building or birthing center. I have had the privilege of attending two births after my own. And both times I ended up in tears from the beauty of that moment. It’s funny that I started out not wanting any part of it and today I consider birth to be one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had. One I want to attend every chance I get. See? That is what learning does to you. It opens your eyes to things you would have totally missed out if you had held onto your ignorance and fear. So, saddle up, figure out what you don’t know and run towards it.

And if you can, take me along with you!

Angi.